I have friends with mixed characters. That’s how it's supposed to be, I guess. But at times, I feel drained of emotions—unable to love them the way I want to. And I think it’s fine to have that space for myself.
When I say “mixed characters,” my favorites are those who remember me just when I feel they've forgotten me. Out of the blue, I’ll get a “hello” or “are you safe?” during a time like this pandemic, and it instantly makes my day. Unexpected care and love—it's never outdated.
There are a few I’ve never met in person, and yet they’ve supported me when I’ve felt lonely. There are some who don’t expect anything from me—they’re just friends because we enjoy each other’s company.
My school friends are the lovely ones who I know will genuinely be there for me. But I only ask for help from them when I feel I have no other way out—and they always make sure I get the support I need.College has been tricky. I know the friends I’ve made there love me like I love them, but I also know there are limits to their friendship. I miss having those limitless friendships.
I truly love being a friend, but sometimes I find myself wishing for that one, true, supportive friend. Friendships hurt me easily—I don’t know why. I try to keep some distance, just to protect myself a little from that emotional rollercoaster.I know for sure that friendship is a relationship I can’t fake. If I lose trust in the bond I share with a friend, I can’t go back to the innocent connection we once had. So, I choose to end it right there—and I never look back.
There are exceptions, though. I’ve given two or three friends the power to hurt me... and I still go back to them when the hurt fades into something softer. They’re unaware of this quiet offer—but aren’t they lucky? ;p
Just blabbering-ly
An.
