Captured Memories

Memories....capturing them and revisiting them has always been an emotion we all cherish — whether through pictures or videos. But what about the smell and  the feel of those moments?

How I wish we could revisit the entire experience :  the first day at school, meeting your best friend, making your parents proud for the first time, feeling butterflies in your stomach, the first day at work… etc etc and etc

I hope that someday, the extra-brilliant minds of the world will bring this dream to life. Maybe one day, we’ll not just remember... we’ll re-experience the best moments in life ! 

Waiting 4 that day- ingly 

An.

Some Random Thoughts !

I’m stuck between two strong but completely different perspectives on life...

The first one is that we were created simply to live and enjoy the beauty of nature—to earn just enough to eat well, sleep well, and be at peace. Why get caught up in chasing a job or running after success until the day we die!

The second - is the opposite: to focus on building a career, to work hard until you feel truly satisfied with where you have reached—an ambitious, goal-driven side 
The problem is, these two mindsets are on opposite ends - you can’t really follow both at the same time. You have to choose one. But I’m not fully convinced about which path to take. And sadly, half my life is already gone. करे भी तो इंसान करे क्या अब! (What else can a person even do now!)

Sometimes I just don’t get the idea of praying to God to fix all our money problems. I imagine God saying, “Hey human! Just think for a second—who created money in the first place? You did! You came up with this whole system, tried to outsmart Me, and now you’re turning back to Me for help? Like Seriously?”. But then again, since God doesn’t think with ego the way we humans do, He might just forgive us and still find a way to help us—no matter how foolish we’ve been. 

Its Sunday Morning 1:02 AM now - with unplugged songs on earpods - So !! that's the reason for these പല പല ചിന്തകള്‍.... (Random thoughts, one after another).

Lets just go with the flow right?! Why think a lot , get stressed and die early ! After years -hopefully I'll know if the road that's taken is right or wrong and I guess I wont even care then. 

Just some 1am random-thoughts-ingly,

An.

दूर फिर भी पास....

 खुशियों में साथ दिया,

जब ग़म थे लापता।

ग़म में भी दिया साथ,

बिना मांगे कभी-कभी।

दूर होंगे जब गिने - 

कितने समुद्रों की दूरी में हैं हम

मेरे मन में तो इतने दूर न हो तुम ।

उलझे हुए मेरे अनगिनत ख़यालों की जालियों में -

कभी ज़्यादा, कभी कम जगह ली है तुमने ,

मगर एक हिस्सा पक्का तुमने ही लिया है, दोस्त मेरे।

ज़िंदगी की दौड़ में दोस्ती को पीछे रखा होगा,

शायद मैंने ।

लेकिन सोच यही थी कि -

पीछे जाकर भी उसी दोस्ती को , 

आगे ले पाऊंगी जब चाहूंगी तब।

वक़्त को वक़्त दे रही हूं अभी सुलझने के लिए।

माफ़ करना ए दोस्त—

अगर ये सोच तुम तक न पहुंची हो,

ये ज़रूर याद रखना:

मैं पीछे तो ज़रूर आऊंगी,

तुम दूरी बनाओ तब भी।

Won't leave-u-ingly,

An.

Just Me

                                                

It’s been years since I’ve written anything, sketched or listened to music that carries the feeling I used to love. Words painted with emotion used to calm me. I’ve tried to figure out what made me become such a... even-more-boring-person than before.

I used to enjoy my own company, but for the past few years, I guess I’ve just been adjusting to myself—making no effort to truly be happy. I thought happiness just comes....just arrives-out of nowhere. But no!. Most of the time, you have to seek its tail in order to find the whole.

I wasn’t sad, either, to be emotionally accurate. It’s not like I haven’t laughed or cracked jokes. But I was just existing, just swimming slowly in the heavy flow of life.

So I thought I’d try typing out my emotions again. And listening to good music—with that feeling—again. 

Back-to-blog-ingly,

An.

F.R.I.E.N.D.S

                                                                   

I have friends with mixed characters. That’s how it's supposed to be, I guess. But at times, I feel drained of emotions—unable to love them the way I want to. And I think it’s fine to have that space for myself.

When I say “mixed characters,” my favorites are those who remember me just when I feel they've forgotten me. Out of the blue, I’ll get a “hello” or “are you safe?” during a time like this pandemic, and it instantly makes my day. Unexpected care and love—it's never outdated.

There are a few I’ve never met in person, and yet they’ve supported me when I’ve felt lonely. There are some who don’t expect anything from me—they’re just friends because we enjoy each other’s company.

My school friends are the lovely ones who I know will genuinely be there for me. But I only ask for help from them when I feel I have no other way out—and they always make sure I get the support I need.College has been tricky. I know the friends I’ve made there love me like I love them, but I also know there are limits to their friendship. I miss having those limitless friendships.

I truly love being a friend, but sometimes I find myself wishing for that one, true, supportive friend. Friendships hurt me easily—I don’t know why. I try to keep some distance, just to protect myself a little from that emotional rollercoaster.I know for sure that friendship is a relationship I can’t fake. If I lose trust in the bond I share with a friend, I can’t go back to the innocent connection we once had. So, I choose to end it right there—and I never look back.

There are exceptions, though. I’ve given two or three friends the power to hurt me... and I still go back to them when the hurt fades into something softer. They’re unaware of this quiet offer—but aren’t they lucky? ;p

Just blabbering-ly

An.

Nothing-ness

 

I have never in my life given any importance to money. I guess money teaches it's power to such kind of people with some extra force . Force which pushes your life back and will have a repulsive effect when you try to reach where you were initially, before the hit. Along with the force, it gives you a clear, true picture of people who were with you in your good-days and stopped being there when you needed them. I don't like to be helped, I find it a bit suffocating to be on the receiving end. Not just in case of money but even in terms of emotions. I have never asked a person to love me the way I love them. I feel It would be unfair to them. Who knows! They might be loving in the highest form of love they know to express and maybe I am the one who failed to understand the depth of their love. This new thought of mine has increased my level on the forgiveness-meter. It isn't very hard for me to forgive the person who hurt me . I learn to forgive with each passing day and forgetting something is a gift I am already blessed with . I don't forget things learned well in school/college but certain incidents just gets wiped off from my memory easily - both good and bad ones. I am happy for the bad ones but a bit sad for the good ones. But it's fine! In totality it does me good. While reading some autobiographies of famous people we might come across words like hardships, difficulties, struggles etc - those are just mentioned in one or two lines but the author might have felt it for a long time with great pain which he decided to communicate through just a line or two. The readers might not be able to empathize with him until they have faced those struggles in their own lives. Nothing-ness comes with its pain and joy. A person who can smile through his difficult times, make others smile even when he is in pain is often "under-rated " as a friend. Trying to be a good friend in such situations becomes really really difficult but what are friends for if they stop trying?. Some might feel being needed by a person feels great. I would never feel great in such situations.  When you need a shoulder of a friend and the friend looks at you for a shoulder - that is a situation where both might feel misunderstood.  Nothing-ness teaches a lot in life  and if not -it atleast gives you a line to write in your autobiography !. 

Feeling blank-ingly

An. 

Puzzle-fied Life

My life has never been an open book. I do not have that one person with whom I have shared every experiences of my life with and maybe I will never do that. I have friends and have shared different part of me with each one of them. Not that I have shared a different version of me , but those shared pieces of me when put together + completes me. I find comfort in sharing certain part of my life with certain people. That friend of mine might feel he/she knows me too well but Nah! she/he doesn't- is the truth. Also there are incidents in my journey which nobody knows but me and I find I can trust only myself with that piece of information. Does all these make me sound a bit shady? Ah no. I am a normal simple human being with open ears and branched thoughts. Each branch is important - but none of them actually meet at the end. There are emotions, dreams, thoughts which are purely mine and will just vanish some day with me. Those- I feel are precious and protected with a lock that has no second key. We have a busy mind - but those thoughts are silent for some reason - we can share them only if we choose to. Interesting engineering inside us. What a beautiful creation !!. The creator must be really happy with himself for having created us and yet we find faults and complain . Let's just respect the wonder and be kind to ourselves. 

Branched Thoughts-ingly 

An.