Nothing-ness

 

I have never in my life given any importance to money. I guess money teaches it's power to such kind of people with some extra force . Force which pushes your life back and will have a repulsive effect when you try to reach where you were initially, before the hit. Along with the force, it gives you a clear, true picture of people who were with you in your good-days and stopped being there when you needed them. I don't like to be helped, I find it a bit suffocating to be on the receiving end. Not just in case of money but even in terms of emotions. I have never asked a person to love me the way I love them. I feel It would be unfair to them. Who knows! They might be loving in the highest form of love they know to express and maybe I am the one who failed to understand the depth of their love. This new thought of mine has increased my level on the forgiveness-meter. It isn't very hard for me to forgive the person who hurt me . I learn to forgive with each passing day and forgetting something is a gift I am already blessed with . I don't forget things learned well in school/college but certain incidents just gets wiped off from my memory easily - both good and bad ones. I am happy for the bad ones but a bit sad for the good ones. But it's fine! In totality it does me good. While reading some autobiographies of famous people we might come across words like hardships, difficulties, struggles etc - those are just mentioned in one or two lines but the author might have felt it for a long time with great pain which he decided to communicate through just a line or two. The readers might not be able to empathize with him until they have faced those struggles in their own lives. Nothing-ness comes with its pain and joy. A person who can smile through his difficult times, make others smile even when he is in pain is often "under-rated " as a friend. Trying to be a good friend in such situations becomes really really difficult but what are friends for if they stop trying?. Some might feel being needed by a person feels great. I would never feel great in such situations.  When you need a shoulder of a friend and the friend looks at you for a shoulder - that is a situation where both might feel misunderstood.  Nothing-ness teaches a lot in life  and if not -it atleast gives you a line to write in your autobiography !. 

Feeling blank-ingly

An.