F.R.I.E.N.D.S

                                                                   

I have friends with mixed characters. That’s how it's supposed to be, I guess. But at times, I feel drained of emotions—unable to love them the way I want to. And I think it’s fine to have that space for myself.

When I say “mixed characters,” my favorites are those who remember me just when I feel they've forgotten me. Out of the blue, I’ll get a “hello” or “are you safe?” during a time like this pandemic, and it instantly makes my day. Unexpected care and love—it's never outdated.

There are a few I’ve never met in person, and yet they’ve supported me when I’ve felt lonely. There are some who don’t expect anything from me—they’re just friends because we enjoy each other’s company.

My school friends are the lovely ones who I know will genuinely be there for me. But I only ask for help from them when I feel I have no other way out—and they always make sure I get the support I need.College has been tricky. I know the friends I’ve made there love me like I love them, but I also know there are limits to their friendship. I miss having those limitless friendships.

I truly love being a friend, but sometimes I find myself wishing for that one, true, supportive friend. Friendships hurt me easily—I don’t know why. I try to keep some distance, just to protect myself a little from that emotional rollercoaster.I know for sure that friendship is a relationship I can’t fake. If I lose trust in the bond I share with a friend, I can’t go back to the innocent connection we once had. So, I choose to end it right there—and I never look back.

There are exceptions, though. I’ve given two or three friends the power to hurt me... and I still go back to them when the hurt fades into something softer. They’re unaware of this quiet offer—but aren’t they lucky? ;p

Just blabbering-ly

An.

Nothing-ness

 

I have never in my life given any importance to money. I guess money teaches it's power to such kind of people with some extra force . Force which pushes your life back and will have a repulsive effect when you try to reach where you were initially, before the hit. Along with the force, it gives you a clear, true picture of people who were with you in your good-days and stopped being there when you needed them. I don't like to be helped, I find it a bit suffocating to be on the receiving end. Not just in case of money but even in terms of emotions. I have never asked a person to love me the way I love them. I feel It would be unfair to them. Who knows! They might be loving in the highest form of love they know to express and maybe I am the one who failed to understand the depth of their love. This new thought of mine has increased my level on the forgiveness-meter. It isn't very hard for me to forgive the person who hurt me . I learn to forgive with each passing day and forgetting something is a gift I am already blessed with . I don't forget things learned well in school/college but certain incidents just gets wiped off from my memory easily - both good and bad ones. I am happy for the bad ones but a bit sad for the good ones. But it's fine! In totality it does me good. While reading some autobiographies of famous people we might come across words like hardships, difficulties, struggles etc - those are just mentioned in one or two lines but the author might have felt it for a long time with great pain which he decided to communicate through just a line or two. The readers might not be able to empathize with him until they have faced those struggles in their own lives. Nothing-ness comes with its pain and joy. A person who can smile through his difficult times, make others smile even when he is in pain is often "under-rated " as a friend. Trying to be a good friend in such situations becomes really really difficult but what are friends for if they stop trying?. Some might feel being needed by a person feels great. I would never feel great in such situations.  When you need a shoulder of a friend and the friend looks at you for a shoulder - that is a situation where both might feel misunderstood.  Nothing-ness teaches a lot in life  and if not -it atleast gives you a line to write in your autobiography !. 

Feeling blank-ingly

An. 

Puzzle-fied Life

My life has never been an open book. I do not have that one person with whom I have shared every experiences of my life with and maybe I will never do that. I have friends and have shared different part of me with each one of them. Not that I have shared a different version of me , but those shared pieces of me when put together + completes me. I find comfort in sharing certain part of my life with certain people. That friend of mine might feel he/she knows me too well but Nah! she/he doesn't- is the truth. Also there are incidents in my journey which nobody knows but me and I find I can trust only myself with that piece of information. Does all these make me sound a bit shady? Ah no. I am a normal simple human being with open ears and branched thoughts. Each branch is important - but none of them actually meet at the end. There are emotions, dreams, thoughts which are purely mine and will just vanish some day with me. Those- I feel are precious and protected with a lock that has no second key. We have a busy mind - but those thoughts are silent for some reason - we can share them only if we choose to. Interesting engineering inside us. What a beautiful creation !!. The creator must be really happy with himself for having created us and yet we find faults and complain . Let's just respect the wonder and be kind to ourselves. 

Branched Thoughts-ingly 

An.