Beautiful minds

Schizophrenia.. the spelling of the word itself is complicated. When your mind works more than it should ,  when u see and hear what others don't, when others laugh at your fears and when your fears fear you more - you are schizophrenic .  It isn't easy for the person to deal with and for sure the people taking care of them would experience less and go through less than what the person goes through every minute and still they complain. I wonder what they wish to do with the amount of patience they saved by not showing it to such people. I do not know what is the cause of the condition . loneliness ? may be or may be not. I have seen them from a very short distance, been with them, heard them talk about their life and constant fear of being killed. I could do nothing.. just see them suffer and be sad about them, didn't know what to do to ease their pain then. I always feel I could have done so much more . Doctors do have a limit which I wish they didn't have. God could have created them like real magicians, with the power to heal everything. A schizophrenic person does not sleep peacefully like us, cant focus on something for long ,they don't feel hungry.  The constant fear of people trying to kill them, makes them feel the food given to them is poisoned. They live in constant fear. The fear is because they want to live, a positive sign ...but as the stage worsens suicide starts attracting them and then to end all the suffering they choose death over life.

 The only emotion I had for people who choose suicide was anger but it pains me now. The thoughts , tears and flooded mixed emotions  the person might have had  before taking such a drastic step pains me. I keep thinking what thoughts they might have had which made them numb about the pain they would pass on to their loved ones after their death. Do they think everything would turn back to normal for them after few months or a year? or do they not have the space for such thought because of their pain? .But I would hate to judge them now because only they know what they have gone through. Why was the love some had for them not enough to keep them alive? .I don't think suicide should be the step a person should even think of. It is the most selfish and inconsiderate decision. What if their pain doesn't vanish after their death?. Who knows! I haven't died before, neither did that person. Let's just face life and pull ourselves with the fuel of love some people have for us. If there is no one to love, show some kindness  and love yourself, spread love. If you don't want to live the life you are living right now, start living it for someone else, help as much as you can , be the most kindest person you can be. You will then slowly start living with the satisfaction you never had before. Satisfaction -which will surely keep you alive. Helping someone isn't something you are doing for others. We are born selfish and we help out of selfishness to feel good and that feeling is addictive . Someday I would want to be such an addict. Keep living . Being alive is a blessing some people are fighting and struggling hard to be. Let's live till life decides to move out of us. Let us not be the one to decide. Since we had no role in deciding our birth, what right do we have to choose death?. Just live and enjoy the uncertainty life brings with it. There is light at the end of every tunnel and remember..... like some great person rightly said.. this time too shall pass.

Love-Ingly ,

An.